The underground constipation versus the overhead overflow

One of the pluses of growing up in a city is that you become adept at English. In most cases, kids in school and through college end up picking on at least one other language besides English and their own mother tongue. The educated section of the western world usually holds the Asian population in regard since most Asians can speak at least 2 languages fluently. Many Asians might speak up to 4 languages. As you know, we don’t think it’s a big deal to bump into someone who can handle four languages in India. But to the rest of the world it’s a colossal mark of mass intelligence of a certain geographical pocket; almost like Russians are good at physics, or Koreans are good at math or any of that. It was out of such a train of thought that several jokes emerged, the least of which being: “What do you call a person who speaks many languages? Answer: Multi-linguist. What do you call a person who speaks two languages? Answer: Bi-linguist. And what do you call a person who speaks one language? Answer: American.(well, British and Australian too!)”

Besides the blip-on-the-radar jokes about the English language, there’s no getting away from the fact that English is really what makes life, business, politics, restaurant menus, instructions on condom packets and everything else in between easier to fathom. Yet, in some strange way, there is a big portion of the Indian population that seems to think that it can somehow remain divorced from the Victorian Language. Now we both understand that trying to change someone who isn’t willing to change is like dancing with someone who isn’t willing to dance. It’s called wrestling.

I haven’t tried the English lessons on Tata Sky, but I can say from here that probably the easiest way to get good at English is to first start by being bad at it. That is, I’m assuming, you haven’t been used to speaking it from the days of your kindergarten. Common self-help techniques to learn English that people resort to can be put in two boxes:

The underground constipation: Don’t let the word constipation mislead you into thinking that somehow this one method is bad. This technique usually encompasses reading lots of books and working away at Wrens, Martins and Norman Lewis. It is very important, but this method entails learning the language in isolation. While this might help you say words like ‘incorrigible’ and ‘preposterous’, there is no way you’ll be able to marry the knowledge with the comprehension and its use in day-to-day speech. English really isn’t about saying big words.

The overhead overflow: This is the playground where the real learning happens, and yet most English speaking aspirants never step into it. It is that space where you communicate and talk and exchange information with people who speak better English than we do. The law of physics never falters and a certain degree of osmosis happens between the people exchanging ideas. Over a period of time, hanging around with the eagles actually helps us soar higher than we could have if we continued pecking with the hens.

I write this not as a master of the language, but certainly as a long term student. The words lucid and pragmatic have been giving me a tough time off late. So, if we can somehow find that balance between the underground constipation and the overhead overflow, our ability to communicate in English would be up several notches.