Always grateful, but never enough

My Principal in high school taught us chemistry. Besides the Aufbau principle of how electrons fill into the atomic sub-shells, I remember one other thing she told us. It was on our graduation day and I quote her “The purpose of an education is not to compete with the other person; but rather, it is about competing with oneself”. How boring and clichéd is that statement? Very.

But how important and significant is it? Very.

In his blog, my friend Sumeet talks about an inner struggle. He describes his constant search for perfection in anything he does, or in anything he seeks. A part of the brain is constantly scanning and probing around to show each of us why that guy or girl is better than us. Sumeet goes on to describe how we live our lives by measuring ourselves with our peers. Or what the world popularly knows as keeping-up-with-the-Joneses. A key takeaway from his article for me was the line “i myself think of many things i have not and i am not. it brings a feeling of discontentment towards quality of life in me …”. This line packs in everything that I was looking to tell my audience on this blog.

Society teaches us to operate from a win-lose paradigm - that in order for me to win, someone needs to lose; that there are only so many seats available and there are more people in the race than there are seats available. In a nut shell, we are told from day one that there is a ‘lack of’ resources in this world. Stats are all over the place showing how only a fraction of the people who appear for the IIT/IIM entrance exams clear them. A kid comes home from school with the report card, and the mother asks “How much did Karthik get? How much did Richa get?” The kid must have got 4th rank, while Karthik and Richa stood 1st and 2nd respectively. The mother doesn’t appreciate the fact that her kid outperformed 35 others in class. She instead chooses to focus on the fact that her kid lags behind 3 others. So there on, the kid is constantly operating from a feeling of ‘not enough’. And this remains until the ‘not enough’ becomes a part of the gene. That kid could be you. That kid could be me. This is the kid that moves through life with a sense of zero accomplishment even when that may not be the case.

How is this problem fixed?

I heard this somewhere and it made sense to me. This is not about thinking positive. It is about working with a sense of gratitude; and gratitude is a word I go back to very often. That is to say you are thankful for whatever you have now, but we just can’t stagnate here. Always grateful, but never enough.

“Fantastic that I outperformed 35 others in class. Superb! But how can I get to number 1?”

And mom, when the child falls, you don’t shoot the shoot the wounded.